I hold in my hands an ancient pain. Like a blunt knife between our ribs it is passed on to every living man, a legacy served in silence from one generation to the next. Can I break the deal I once signed? Can I admit that I am afraid?
It has been a long time since we broke the balance. Was it fear back then, too? Although there may be many things to regret, the pain does not stem from remorse as much as from the diseases caused by the imbalance itself. It hurts to be a man when being a man means compensating for fear. What were we afraid of? What are we afraid of?
When my body explodes from the inside out in furious anger battered out on my children, I am afraid. When I use the wounds from my childhood as excuses for creating enemies, I am afraid. When I turn to violence, when I turn to porn and drugs, sugar and irony, distance and hate — when I turn to all those things that I so intensely crave to fill up my dark and empty holes, I am afraid. But most of all I am afraid when I do not know what to do. When the truth is that I feel helpless.
Can I stand still and naked in front of a woman? In front of a man?
I hold in my hands an ancient pain. Stumbling, I try to find language for it, healing for it, light for it. I stumble trying to find balance. But I try. I get back up. My heart tells me long hidden secrets of what once was and what once again will be. You could say we abandoned balance, but balance never abandoned us. It was always there. And so in the moment we turn to what always was, the feminine and the masculine will join hands in a sensuous, yearning dance.
I hold in my hands the most beautiful memory. Now is the time to remember.
This is a calling to slow down and listen. To take a deep breath and explore our personal connection with Mother Earth. The feminine and masculine, the beautiful and dirty, the real, the messy, the sacred. Once it was natural. Today it feels crucial.
For the next 100 Days I will write a book to the Earth. For the Earth. With the Earth. The book, and the journey, is also to you. For you. And with you. Together, we are everything.
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