I am the 4-year old girl. Shot in my head, I fall down in the grass, briefly sensing how soft it all feels, before the sunshine and the crawling ant on a yellow straw and the quivering feeling of fear slowly become blurry, and I take what is to become my very last breath.
I am the receiving earth. The soil stained with blood. I hold you when you stand as I hold you when you fall, I am the soft grass and the forgiving wind. I am alive. Living. Holding.
I am the young soldier. I take the shot, I watch her fall, I close my eyes, but open them as quickly. Something wants to be said, something in me wants to express itself. I do not, do not, do not want to hear it. I take a deep breath to find focus, in a short glimpse I remember my grandmother, her songs, the wrinkles on her hands, I swallow. My throat is dry.
I am the father. I am the father with no words. A dark hole in my chest, my soul blackened into the longest of nights. I told her to come, we needed water, needed to move, needed something more, something better, something else, I thought it was safe. What is safe, what am I, where is she, where is she. I am the screaming father, on my knees, out of air.
I am the river running. The blackbird, the seagull, the moth looking for light. I am the shining stars, the universe expanding, the neverending space between space between space. I am the witness, the cracks in the whole, I am love, patiently looking forward to be expressed through you. And I am grateful, so grateful, for I may be everything, but without you I am nothing. I am the river running. The little girl. The sun shining and the ant crawling.
This is a calling to slow down and listen. To take a deep breath and explore our personal connection with Mother Earth. The feminine and masculine, the beautiful and dirty, the real, the messy, the sacred. Once it was natural. Today it feels crucial.
For the next 100 Days I will write a book to the Earth. For the Earth. With the Earth. The book, and the journey, is also to you. For you. And with you. Together, we are everything.
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